OK so now I am actually fifty! 50! It really makes me smile and almost laugh out loud when I say it. It feels a little bit ridiculous because hand on heart, I don’t feel it in the slightest. I think it’s really funny!
I’m feeling ok about it, in fact I feel great about it now I’ve had the actual birthday. If you read my post How to deal with a milestone birthday – you will know that I had a bit of a meltdown about it. Even though I was having a few silly apprehensive thoughts, when it came to the evening before I just thought “bring it on!” And surprisingly I was then looking forward to it.
On the morning of my birthday I actually felt really happy and it felt like it was my birthday. You know sometimes as an adult, your birthday doesn’t always feel like a special day – or is it just me? When you’re a kid you look forward to your birthday for ages and it’s the be all and end all but I think the novelty wears off a bit as you grow up. I’m not sure what age things change. (I was so lucky to have my birthday on a Saturday this year too!)
So I spent the day feeling happy 😃 relaxed and thankful. In the evening we went out as a family and apart from them deciding to bring a cake out and sing 🎵 Happy Birthday (my worst cringy nightmare for a birthday) I had a nice evening – AND I didn’t even get tempted to drink wine!! I had sparkling water – in a wine glass, so that was an achievement in itself.
So what does it feel like to be 50? Err it feels exactly the same as when I was 49.
In fact, in my head I still feel about 25. Although my life is so much easier than when I was 25.
I’m fortunate that I’m lucky enough to live in a nice house now, I was officially homeless at 25 with two very young children. (I did managed to get housed in a mobile home for a few months so I know not as unfortunate as some, but it wasn’t the life I had planned for my children.) Another improvement is that I have learnt a lot of lessons about people along the way so am strong enough to know that if someone messes me around they are not worth having in my life.
I feel a bit more confident about myself because hey I’m fifty 😂 so I’m allowed to have laughter and stress lines and a sagging jaw-line!! For the first time in my life I’ve changed my hair so I don’t have a heavy fringe and if people stare at me because of my strawberry naevus then that is their problem not mine. Actually I do mind and I don’t like people staring at me, but at last I am beginning to feel a tiny bit more confident about it.
I feel so thankful that, touch wood, I have never had any health scares that haven’t been able to be sorted. Obviously like most people my life hasn’t been plain sailing and I have dealt with a lot of crap, but for now at least, things seem to be ok.
I feel like I have a bit of ambition for the first time in my life but I don’t know if that is because I’ve stopped drinking or because of my age. I know I’m not that great at writing but I have discovered that I really love writing my thoughts down and everything associated with that. I would love love love to work for a magazine or some related business. Whether that is just a dream or whether one day it might happen I don’t know but hey it feels good for me to dream anyway.
This post is completely rambled as I have just written how I am feeling so I might just post without checking and see if anyone likes it.
I could write so much more about this and maybe I will in a few weeks time but for now though to summarise – being 50 feels amazing! 😊